Sowing in tears

Hi friends, It's been a while, how are you? What's new?

I just recently moved from Minneapolis, MN to Gilbert, AZ (my hometown) it's been almost 6 years since I lived here, can you believe that? 

When I first arrived I was super shocked to see how much things had changed. In specific, how many corn fields were now shopping centers or gas stations. Oddly enough it broke my heart. I loved these corn fields; so many memories. I loved the way it felt at night driving with the windows down next to a corn field. It was such a clean crisp breeze on a warm summer night. I loved watching them grow, and evolve. I know, I'm weird. But maybe I'm so sad about them being gone because God has been teaching me a lot about crops lately.

Returning to Arizona has been exciting but also very hard for me. It's hard to be in a place that reminds you of who you used to be when you're evolving and not that person anymore. I used to have no problem making new friends and jumping in, but in Arizona I feel like I hit a wall. Almost like I don't want to allow myself to get comfortable here. I'm afraid that if I get too close I'll get stuck here. But what if thats what God is asking me to do? Why am I so afraid of that? it's painful, folks. I'm sure thats why it's called growing pains.

Recently I joined a church here in Tempe, and I met a lot of great people. People who made me feel welcomed, and that I belonged. There truly isn't a better feeling than feeling the urgency of spirit saturated in a church. I met this girl Zoe who I just spilled the beans of my life to within 20 minutes of knowing her. I kept saying, I "feel God want's me planted in community." "Planted here in AZ." "Rooted in His truth." ect, ect. I say this as I carry a journal that says "bloom where you are planted" (haha, sorry I just love God's humor). I was explaining my frustration of feeling called to be planted when my job literally does the complete opposite. Truthfully my job has been a real struggle for me lately. I've been getting resentful of how much life I am missing out on. I've been getting incredibly frustrated, to the point of tears, many many tears. I had move to Arizona in hopes of it being easier when in reality I feel even more separated from community. Later that day Zoe texted me Psalm 126. I cried when I read it. 

1 When the Lord brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,
    it was like a dream!
2 We were filled with laughter,
    and we sang for joy.
And the other nations said,
    “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.”
3 Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!
    What joy!

4 Restore our fortunes, Lord,
    as streams renew the desert.
5 Those who plant in tears
    will harvest with shouts of joy.
6 They weep as they go to plant their seed,
    but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Y'ALL IM PLANTING IN TEARS; but what deliverance God promises over us. This "waiting" period is HARD but it's not in vain. I'm going out to the desert everyday in my humility and planting my seeds with my tears. I weep. I say, "Bring up something new in me LORD. Plant me in community, plant me here in Arizona, root me in Your truth, and then bring forth the harvest of Joy and Singing in me to go out into the world and change things for Your glory God." And I know it will happen because he says so. 

I just want to encourage you, if you're going through a hard season, you're not alone. Keep going out into the garden and planting your seeds. God is the root of it all and what a plentiful harvest you will reap. 

Even though I was sad to see the corn fields torn down I'm understanding now that there is a season for everything. The land that once held the corn field is still there, it's just something different. Not bad, just different. A place that invites others in, refuels people, clothes peoples, feeds people, and so much more. And if God can do that with a simple corn field, how much more will He do for you. Love you. 

The Unnecessary No - How's your soul?

How’s your soul?

Last week I spent in L.A. enjoying the sunshine, the decaf coffee (I’m on a fast, prayers please, haha), and God’s perfect precious word. On Wednesday night Jen and I went to Judah, led by City Church pastor, Judah Smith. Judah preached on what how confusing and time consuming it can be figuring out what is healthy for us, on the outside; have we ever considered how confusing it can be to know we are healthy on the inside? Spiritually? What does that look like? He went through some key things from Genesis that really spell out how it looks like being healthy on the inside.

4 Key elements:

1. Rest/Enjoyment (Genesis 1:8)

2. Responsibility (Genesis 1:15)

3. The Unnecessary No (Genesis 1:16)

4. Community (Genesis 1:18)

I really wanted to focus on the unnecessary no, because speaking from first hand experience this one really shook my life, and cleaned up my spirit real quick.

Genesis 1: 16, “God commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead."

Out of all the trees, who knows how many, God gave us freewill, to chose, every day Adam walks by all the trees, and everyday he walks by The-Tree-Of-Good-and-Evil and he has to look at it and say no.

There is something so beautiful in the free will God gave us to say no. No to important things.

No to unimportant things.

Having healthy boundaries is so good for your mental and spiritual health. If you’re anything like me you have to really practice saying no. Seriously, sometimes I look in the mirror and practice saying no, just so it comes out more naturally when it’s actually time to spew the phrase. Just kidding, I don’t spew. But “No” is such a foreign word to me. I am a people pleaser to the max, being accommodating, helpful, and always saying YES, is the essence of my existence. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but you get what I mean. Saying no isn’t how I roll. Until one day a lovely flight attendant sat down next to me on the jumpseat and without prompting turned to me and said,

“You’re always taking care of everyone else. It’s like God gave you a car full of gas and you drain the gas on everyone else and then ask God, “Where to?” It gets you nowhere.”

With tears streaming down my face I knew what she meant. How can I possibly take care of others if I can’t even take care of myself. How can I say no to others if I can’t say no to myself.

Mind you this flight attendant spoke these beautiful God filled words over me in August and it wasn’t until October I finally put it in practice.

I decided to say No to something that was a big strong hold on my life.

Instagram.

Do I think Instagram is awful, or evil, or the devil’s spawn? Absolutely not.

I just kept asking myself, why?

Why do I have Instagram? Because it’s just a thing to do?

Do I feel healthy on Instagram? Uh, yeah, I guess?

Does Instagram bring any meaning to my life?

You know what’s funny? You are the master manipulator of yourself. Do you know how easy it is to justify the most ridiculous reason to stay on something you know deep down you really don’t need to?  That was Instagram for me.

So I decided, no.

Was it necessary? No.

Was it cathartic? ABSOLUTELY.

Holy moly, y’all I can put into words (actually I can, that’s why this is a blog) how transformative it was for me.

I dragged the little bible app where Instagram used to be on my home bar so any time my muscle memory thumb wanted to peruse through Instagram- guess what, I’d be reading the good word. And yes I did, in 3 months I read all of the new testament in 2 different versions and then decided to learn who God was in the old testament. Reading about Jonah, Ruth, Cain and Abel, Saul, Jonathan, David, Solomon, and so many more.

Want to hear the best part? One unnecessary no led to so many more!

I finally started saying no to certain foods that made me not feel my best. Gluten, and dairy primarily.

I started saying no to laying in bed everyday all day and started going for runs which then led to working out more.

I started saying no to Netflix to get a proper amount of sleep at night.

I started saying no to small, unnecessary things.

Did I have to cut out food that made me feel bad? No. No one was making me. But why would I feed my body fuel that was hurting it?

Did I have to say no to sleeping in? No, I work really hard and on my days off I want to sleep, but I realized too much sleep isn’t good for me. Get up be active. Treat your body like a temple, because it is, and keep it healthy!

Did I have to say no to Netflix before bed? Haha, no. But I did! And I started going to bed at a decent time every night. Letting my brain shut down to get a good nights sleep.

Through all these unnecessary no’s, I don’t even recognize the girl I was in October. Physically, I’ve lost 30 pounds. Mentally, I have a new found strength, and Spiritually, I’m so deeply rooted and immersed in God's word I view everything different. The veil has been lifted. The truth has not been withheld. The peace surpasses all understanding. The wisdom is set on flood gate mode.

And the best part of all is the affirmation. Wednesday night wasn’t an accident. God had me right where he wanted me. Listening to the good word. Reminding me of how far we’ve come, him and I together.

So you remember those 4 key elements?

I believe they all work hand in hand with one another. I believe if you do one the ripple effect will be them all. Through my one, silly, unnecessary no, it rippled to many, and those many decision led to a healthy soul. I now rest, and enjoy. I understand the hard work, and I do it. I’m more intentional with my time. MY car is well taken care of. Now I’m not draining the gas on everyone and everything. I’m cleaning out the vents. Unclogging the hoses. Filling myself with premium oil. I’m running on the kingdom’s gas. And I’m ready for when someone jumps in the car with me and we excitingly ask, “Where to God!?”

How’s your soul? Really...

If you would like to here the sermon yourself click HERE

The characteristics of Why Not Me?

Man, this has been on my heart for a while and I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a week now. This morning while I was reading my devotions I asked God for words, and He gave me His. Seriously guys I could not put this any better.

Everyday God is searching the earth for those who are committed to Him. 2 chron 6:19, “God is always on the alert, constantly on the lookout for people who are totally committed to him.”

So many times we see others getting used and do not realize God has that for us.

Why do we think we are beneath or not worthy of big dreams, and desires? This is such a bogus way of thinking.

God has something BIG for each and everyone of us.

Then I started thinking, maybe, we don’t have faith to believe these big things for us because we don’t understand the characteristics of what having faith looks like.

So straight out of the bible in Hebrews 11 Paul lays it right out.

“The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see.

By an act of faith, Abel brought a better sacrifice to God than Cain. It was what he believed, not what he brought, that made the difference. That's what God noticed and approved as righteous. After all these centuries, that belief continues to catch our notice.

By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. "They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him." We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken "he pleased God." It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.

By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God.

By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God's call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home. When he left he had no idea where he was going. By an act of faith he lived in the country promised him, lived as a stranger camping in tents. Isaac and Jacob did the same, living under the same promise. Abraham did it by keeping his eye on an unseen city with real, eternal foundations—the City designed and built by God.

By faith, barren Sarah was able to become pregnant, old woman as she was at the time, because she believed the One who made a promise would do what he said. That's how it happened that from one man's dead and shriveled loins there are now people numbering into the millions.

Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.”

Do you have the faith to know that it’s your belief and not what you can bring, that makes the difference.  That when you’re warned about something you can’t see you ACT on what you’re told. By an act of faith, can you say yes to God's call to travel to an unknown place that would become your home? Do you believe the One who made a promise would do what He said?

When the unthinkable happens, when you see it way off in the distance are you waving and accepting the fact that you are just a transient in this world?

When you have this faith, when you choose today it will be you, you can see why God is so proud of you, He has a city waiting for you!

SO WHY NOT YOU?
Choose today! You are worthy of being used. Proclaim you have the faith! I can’t wait to see the mountains you move, the barriers you push, and the hearts that change because of your faith! God is with you.

Hineni.

Divine Acceleration

Wow, dreams can be super scary. Why? Because they're big! And big scary dreams require action… Especially when you feel God calling you to those dreams.

Sometimes I seriously question myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am addicted to being uncomfortable, or being all over the place. Is there something in my heart that can't just rest? Because every time I get to a place of rest just around the corner is another big scary dream that is going to pop up. And knowing myself I will pursue it relentlessly until achieved.

BUT, I believe God has a divine acceleration for your life, and mine.

I believe God is a rewarder of those who seek the LORD diligently.

So after a lot of stirring in my heart I decided to take a trip to LA and disconnect from the world. Spend a week in prayer, meditation, and worship. Eat clean, and work out. Surround myself with God's beautiful creation, the mountains, the ocean; and just be.

While I was there I prayed a lot! For clarity specifically. I actually prayed that God would correct me, because I clearly heard Him wrong. I asked Him to give me a no. He screamed Yes. I asked Him to shut it down and He opened doors.  My heart ached, because I knew I needed to obey. But I didn't necessarily like what He put on my heart. Not because I didn't enjoy what he was asking me to do, I didn't enjoy how He was asking me to do it.

I didn’t enjoy Him asking me to pursue this dream because of how uncomfortable this dream was about to make me. I didn’t like the fact that it meant being away from “home” more, as I just got comfortable there. I didn’t enjoy the fact that I am having to be vulnerable and restart on many areas of my life. I didn’t enjoy the fact that this dream made me feel inadequate in comparison and  it marked a big X on my back for spiritual attack. It scared me that I knew what God spoke would happen. It scared me that maybe that's not what I want in life? It scared me that being in this dream would hold me accountable. And most of all it scared me that I’m about to step into such great promise that no scheme of man can pull me from.

Guys! That's a terrifyingly awesome place to be. And I've learned it's healthy to say I don't know. I don't know what I’m doing... But God does. It’s healthy to be fearful of how powerful God's words are (in a good way)! It’s natural to be scared to do God's work. I know for me the big fear comes in when I think about where God is taking me, and when I think about me failing Him. It’s bound to happen, right? Because I am human. But don't let the fear of failing God keep you from dreaming big things over what God has promised over you.

I am going to chose to stay in God’s promise.

I am going to chose to listen, no matter the cost.

I am going to chose to dream the big scary dreams.

I am going to chose to obey.

I am going to see what God does.

There is a lot of people who don’t believe God is generous. Any big dream will get critic.

But God is generous, He loves His people, and His demands are greater than our ability to catch up.

God is going to put that fast forward on your life too.

He is generous, good, and wants to give us wisdom.

He will not give us a promotion that's going to destroy us.

You don’t have to compromise, the world goes around the mountain, God goes through it-- Actually God throws the mountain into the sea. The world doesn’t even know they are in the sea.

As my pastor Alex Seeley puts it so beautifully, “The Creator is waiting for creation to create! Because there is a glory and a worship that occurs in being uniquely resounding in who you are created to be. Bringing specific elements of worship, that if you worship someone else's plan you actually rob that bit of worship and you rob the earth of that bit of beauty. It’s time for us to begin to flood the earth with the beauty of God.”

You are called to create, invent, think beyond. Lay hands on the sick and be healed.

How bold are you? “Greater things than these I’ve called you to.” Just tap into them. Just stop and tune in, still your heart. What big dream is God stirring inside of you?

It’s okay to feel goofy… It’s okay to think it's unrealistic. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not know! Lean in closer to God, because I promise you He will reveal what He stirring inside of you if you ask Him.